“The difficulty with this conversation is that it is very different from most of the ones I’ve had of late. Which, as I explained, have mostly been with trees.”
Douglas Adams
Unlike the late British comic and writer, Douglas Adams, most of us do not spend our time talking to trees; maybe we should, but more likely we don’t. Instead, we spend the majority of our time talking, having conversations with people we know, or with people we are in the process of getting to know.
The people we know are familiar with our mannerisms and conversational habits. Unfortunately, the people we are getting to know are not. So, if you are looking to create a ‘first’ positive impression, here are three basic conversational body moves that will help you do just that.
1. Eye Contact.
In North America the eyes are the most important element in forming an impression of someone. Through eye contact you show your enthusiasm and interest in wanting to meet, and speak with the other person. Let them know that you are happy to meet them and that they are the object of your attention. Any mutual and lasting conversation begins with eye contact between you and the other person.
2. Facial Expressions.
When it comes to non-verbal communication, it is our facial expressions that reveal the most. In his book, How to Talk to Anyone, 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships, Leil Lowndes, in one of his chapters, tells the story of a manager who advances her career by changing her facial expressions. The manager was surprised to discover how her facial expressions were being perceived by others and the impact this had on people in her department, as well as, on her clients. Most of the time, our facial expressions are spontaneous: on automatic pilot. What expressions do you carry on your face when having a conversation with others? Are your expressions harried and intense or relaxed and friendly?
3. Body Positioning.
In her book, The Art of Civilized Conversation Margaret Shepherd says that we should be aware of how we position our body and how we use space when meeting and speaking with others. Our movements send signals to the other person, as well as give meaning to the words we use. When you lean forward, ever so slightly, nod or tilt your head, you signal that you are interested in what the other person has to say, as does standing and facing your conversation partner directly.
Research has shown that each of us has our own personal space, and that we feel uncomfortable when someone, especially someone we don’t know or don’t like, violates that space either by moving closer to us or by touching us. According to Shepherd, it is important to be aware of cultural differences and she suggests, a good rule of thumb is to keep an arm’s length of distance between yourself and the person with whom you are speaking.
These three basic conversational body moves speak louder than words. They convey your interest and willingness to stay and chat with someone, or they can shout volumes about your lack of interest and desire to get away.
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