American literary critic and scholar, Barbara Johnson once said, “Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.”
When we think of success characteristics and success in communication, we seldom think of patience or what patience is. There is power in patience. To be patient is to be poised; to delay without becoming angry or upset; to be calm, to be composed and to demonstrate self-control. That is the power of patience.
How do you act and react at different times during the day to people and situations that cross your path? How many times in that day do you tap into the power of patience? For most of us, we are quite accustomed to giving in to our immediate desires. We let our emotional impulses take over the moment.
A driver honks their horn at us, and as if on auto-pilot, we immediately give the finger or shout out obscenities. A conversation with a loved one, finds us on the frayed edges of a disagreement, and ‘to show them’ we withdraw into silence or stomp off in anger. Experiencing difficulties at work with a challenging account, or a demanding co-worker, we take the path of least resistance. To save face we either we ‘delegate the difficulties’ to an unsuspecting soul, or jump into the blame game and point the finger … at someone else.
In our high-tech world of gadgets, instant access and immediate gratification, it seems as if patience is a scarce commodity. When we think of success, and the characteristics of those who have achieved success, the power of patience is seldom mentioned and seldom highlighted.
How many of us have attended work related seminars on motivation, team building, organizational culture, conflict resolution, communicating more effectively and harmony in the workplace? Discussing the characteristics of the valued employee, words such as dependable, responsible, listens, takes initiative and has a positive attitude, are mentioned. Speaking of characteristics of good leadership, we employ words such as visionary, charismatic, ability to motivate, great communicator, and intelligence. As for describing entrepreneurs, passion, discipline, innovative, flexible, and risk taker come to mind. Patience does not seem to be high on the radar screen of communication.
And yet, for most of us, our ability to listen, to learn and to take in new information, understand and apply that information requires patience. If we want our relationships to thrive, it’s important that we demonstrate patience. To experience success at any level, in any area, the power of patience has to be put into practice.
How do we cultivate the power of patience, instead of jumping in like a dirty shirt heading down a laundry shoot at full speed with arms flapping? For me, three words come to mind: Stop. Look. Listen.
STOP. Stop being on emotional auto-pilot. And yes, this takes effort. If mouth is in gear before brain begins to operate, consider saying, something along the line of…”My apologies. I spoke too soon. It’s been one of those days…” Then STOP. Let the other person respond.
LOOK. Look at the situation and adjust your behaviour. Look at the overall picture and view the situation as a learning, instead of a ‘kick-at-the-cat’ moment.
LISTEN. Listen for ideas and concepts; go beyond just listening to the words. Listen to understand. Listen without judgment.
Without patience there can be no success in communication: relationships won’t grow, learning can’t happen, invention and innovation won’t take place. Such is the amazing power of patience.
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